January 16, 2007
Christina Ricci's Boobs in Black Snake Moan Will Make Your (Insert Skin Color Here) Snake Moan
filed under: Sundance Film Festival
It's that time again, when celebs big and small don this season's it boot, covered in the fur of the rare Ukrainian three-toed chipmunk or some such, and trek all the way to un-bikini-friendly Utah to collect stacks of free size 24 Chip & Pepper jeans and Swarovski-crystal-studded can openers and get their pictures taken somewhere in the vicinity of snow--you know, for variety's sake--and to do something else. We can't quite remember what that last thing was. Wait, it's coming to us. It has something to do with Robert Redford. Oh, yeah, they watch movies! Well, at least the really serious stars sit through the opening credits of the really important films before they get an even more important text on their Blackberry. But those five minutes were enough for said star to espouse how truly genius and life-altering the film is. Us, we just care about boobies. And Black Snake Moan's got 'em. Christina Ricci's boobies to be precise.
So Sundance doesn't officially start until Thursday, but those who weren't cool enough to be invited to the Golden Globes are getting a head start by pre-screening some of the festival's offerings. And first up we've got Black Snake Moan, a.k.a. Samuel L. Jackson chains underwear-clad Christina Ricci to a radiator to cure her of her wicked ways. What wicked ways would those be, you ask? Well, they definitely include boinking Justin Timberlake and flashing her breasts, which Ricci does four times in the film's first hour. We're not quite sure why Jackson would want to cure her of this behavior, but perhaps he never saw Prozac Nation. If you wish to encourage Christina's titty flashing (as we're sure you do) you can catch Black Snake Moan when it hits theaters on February 23rd.
As for the rest of our Sundance wrap-up, we'll have operatives lurking in the mountains throughout the festival, and since no amount of Kiehl's magic eye cream from the swag suites will make them prettier, they'll have no choice but to catch that screening of Hounddog. And we know there's nothing quite like the words "Dakota Fanning rape scene" to catch your attention.
Did we mention Christina's previous excellence in the rack-baring arts? You can watch her efforts at MrSkin.com.
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